I am bloated

Bloated with fats
Bloated with water
Bloated with credit
Bloated with problems
Bloated with jobs
Bloated with anything except money and time!!

I am still organising my taipei trip pictures.
Was so happy going through memorable moments and it tends to scoope you away from the reality (at least for a minute or two)

After this long break, will be paying my full attention to my work and study.
Oh man...talking about study...where are my notes?
Heck...I am challenging myself this time for a self study exam.
If I screw up yet again...this means... i need to change job already.
Acca just isnt my thing! right?
Well, no one knows what will happen in future tho...
Still will try my best to do the best out of the norm.
What the heck I am trying to say?

Ok...full attention to work is a must as credit been piling up after the taipei trip.
There were so many things to buy over there and I had spent > 5-6 k for the whole trip.
Which means, I am back to square one again. BROKE!!

Yet....reality din hit me yet..LOL!
I am good in budgeting tho..

But was kind of upset on my dream house.
650k for a service apartment. Too expensive?
My salary can't pull up the loan till that much.
But i really do think it will be a good investment if I have the cash!
I can only afford half of the price! Hell!!

Which means, work harder lor...to earn more so that I can buy my dream house!

Anyway...my dreamsssssssss are coming to realise one by one...
LV...finally got one...
and I am aiming and Chanel classic tote bag...retail @ RM9.8k! mahem....crazy...
woman!! wake up!!
I really need to slap myself!

I do hope will current economy slump, we as Malaysians still be able to pull through.
I still have strong faith that this will be a good year ahead.
I just went for 2 trips recently.
Coming its way will be a short break in Genting (got a cheap offer from Awana..so golfing + cabby time)
Then coming its way will be a shopping and girls trip to Bangkok...
But my most upcoming trip..Tasmania..have to be put on hold...
Aih..was kinda upset tho..
Nvr mind..Korea at year end with family!

GREAT....

but my bf keep mumbling to me that I need to save up money...for future use...
hmmm....if i am jobless for 1 month...am i able to survive?
Thank God I still have my mom! LOL~~~
I am a spoilt brat!!!

Anyway, thanks dear..I know how to take care of myself and my dollars!

Just hope my boss will not have any implication that he is over paying me!!!
Dear God..shed all my shine and glamour in front of my boss.
Makes him think that he under pay me..
Makes him feel great when he increase my pay...
Amen!!

Welcome to Taiwan!!

Packing today...
Checking baggages tomorrow..
And off to KLIA on Monday morning...
Can't wait~~~
Taiwan...here I come!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

5 in 72 hours

The job was so demanding.
Now already 10.01pm @ Sunday.
I had been working for the past 72 hours with only 5 hours of sleep in total.
Oh man.
Her words and screaming still ringing in my head.

"You don't know what you are doing at all"
"Do you understand?"
"I will complain to your boss"
"If you don't know, just say lar...."

Then she was smashing stuffs on her table...
Stomping out of her office..
Screaming " I treated you as friend how could you do this to me????"

The whole department look at me with a pity look.
But I look at myself with an anger + depressed + disappointed look
I remember while driving back home, I cried helplessly claiming myself for being stupid and inefficient to meet client request.
I felt so ashamed of myself for being as an assistant manager but with little exposure.
I really unaware of a listed comprehensive consolidation work, tight announcement deadline and related stuffs.
I failed.
I tarnished my whole image of being an assistant manager.

In the end, client was so serious of complaining to my boss that I am uncapable for this job.
As being honest as I am, I text my boss for what had happened.
Apologizing that the client might call him to complain.
After 10 mins, my mobile rang.
It was my boss.
Gosh...

"What happened?"
".....Sorry....."
"It's ok..what is the complicated issues about?"
And then I explained one by one
"I so panic, I suppose to have settled everything in 3 days. But the work is actually a week work"
"Don't worry, as I already told you, the client is very fussy. I also being scold by her. It's normal."
....Tears rolling down.....

Aih....
Stupidity covers my whole brain..

I still rushing the work.
And knowing my work is correct but I am not confident enough to confront and stand on my belief that I am right.
The client just chomped down all my words.
And I become speechless.

I am still crying for being stupid, under perform.

And tomorrow I suppose to explain myself infront of the CEO.
What am I putting myself into?

Then I had tonnes of jobs to be completed in office.
Yet I am unable to pull myself out from this demanding job.

Finger crossed my meeting with CEO will go well and I am able to pull out to work on with all my unfinish work in office.

I am still crying....

I am stupid...inefficient...

How can she change my confidence?
I lose my confidence totally...

Depressed

Preparing myself to go home from work @ 9.39pm
Stomach is growling and is pass dinner time
My mind is pondering on how much more work to finish in order to enjoy my holiday.
But the growling is too painful to bear.
So decided to head back home for food and some comfort from BuBu.
He always gives me the smile on my face.
Nevertheless, decided to pen down something about my day in the blog before shutting down the notebook.
Depressed and pressure.
I am no longer motivated as I used to be.
I thought I can perform as in old times.
As the boss expectation rise, so do my own demand.
I demand to become a good manager
I demand to become a good leader
I demand to become successful in career
Can I?
I am tired and hungry
Prince Charming with millions and zillions of cash (preferably Pound Sterling) ..where are you?
Can marry me off so I can quit from this dilemma??

Ciaoz~

Broken Friendship

It was a long deserving break before my workload come crashing down my shoulder.
I do not even want to log on to my notebook to check my email.
Just want to enjoy my break by relaxing at home, watching television, chomping down new year cookies and playing with my precious BuBu.
However, did catch up with my friends for rounds of makan and gamble.
Hmmm...luck was not tremendously as good as last year. Still win some cash though.
Spending quality time with friends and buddies was the best.
True friends really hard to find tho.
However, was glad that my friends always there to understand and listen to my nag.
Lurve them.
And my workout buddies.
Always pushing me to NOT skip any class..

But was surprise that I did not hear any news from you during the break.
Maybe you are spending your quality time with your family and friends too.
I thought we are always friends as ever.
Maybe to you, I am not one of your friends.
Maybe I never did.
Such a failure myself.

Was sharing few words with the usual gang about you.
They were disappointed too.
Like me.
No matter how bad I feel and how disappointed I am, deep down I still take you as one of my best buddy.
Although we did not share a lot of secrets like some girlfriends did.
But I really thought the years we've been through says it all.
It turns out, I am so wrong.
Aih...
more depressing is you even cut me out from your life.
Maybe you deserve friends that are better than me.
Maybe you deserve to enjoy your new life without me as a friend.
Maybe you deserve everything in the world except me as your friend.

Broken pieces, very hard to get it back all together.
The scar will always be there.
Luckily, I still have my life here.
I still have my friends here.

Hope you do well in your future and please do take care of yourself.
You are at the other side of the world.
Maybe we will never meet again.
If we do, no worries. I am very good in acting.
I assure you there will be no awkward silence.

Sadly to say, I pen off here by saying Good Bye! (with out the word 'friend')

W - H - Y ???????

After a so called dooms day I've been through yesterday, I had to thank the 'keh le feh' for dropping to have dinner with me.
My food was tasteless and this was due to the exhaustion caused from > 10 hours work in front of a notebook.
But the break in between the dinner and on the way home was really more than enough for me to revive and continue working at home.
Damn~~maybe I am not fit for being efficient anymore that is why I need to spend more hours compare to others to complete my job.
Is that so?
If that is the truth, I will be damn depressed.
Everyone is enjoying and preparing for the long break but as for me, I am busy with my workload.
W-H-Y?

Hmmm..I think PMS is the starting point on getting everything on my nerves!

Then received a surprise news from the boss.
Staffs were promoted.
Very surprise to some promotions but as that particular person not in my team, so it is basically none of my business.
I am happy for some promotions as well. I think they deserve it.
But W-H-Y?
Boss, don't you ever learn a lesson from the previous experience?
You should not judge a book by its cover!!!!!!
Damn is a magnificent cover..Yet..the pages inside are blank!
And poor quality summore!!!
W-H-Y????
In my opinion, I don't think they worth the promotion.
They have to work hard to impress me better if they want to earn themselve on something.

Basically, this posting is just about nagging off my head.
W-H-Y???
Why can't you see that this is not my mistake?
Why can't you see that I am working my ass off for you fucking company?
And I am being blame for careless, unable to identify risky areas, not working hard enough and blah blah blah...

W-H-Y???

I am dare to say...I am the hardest working staff in the entire firm!
No one ever can over take my position as the hardest working staff!
And I am fit to earn a trophy for that credit!

but W-H-Y??????

I am still below your expectation...
DAMN!!!!

People will be celebrating hard on the coming long break.
As for me, I will be trying hard to fit in all my workload into that break in order to live in peace.

DNS!
DNS!
DNS!
DNS!
DDDDDDDDDDDDNNNNNNNNNNNNNNNNNSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSS!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

The words still ringing in my ears!

A dooms day before CNY break~~
Was in his room in the morning listening to his nags..
I feel so bad and moody...
Not competent for this position...
I am not qualified...
I am so careless for my mistakes...
Yeah!! BLAME me!!!
BLAME me!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!