Clinging onto the memories

I’ve been in the same relationship for almost 3 years and to be exact 3 years on Sept, 17.

Just a blink of an eye, we reach the 3rd year of our relationship.

I still can remember how we started, argued, fought, cried and laughed.

I was listening to the radio during lunch hour and sudden flashback of our memories crossed my mind. That was because Jacky’s Cheung song. The song was talking about how close two persons are but their feelings were far apart. It was a sad love song but that reminded me on how we started so far apart and after almost 3 years we were walking closely to another chapter of our lives.

Not talking about marriage of course! I’m referring to the quarter of our life span! LOL!

Our relationship it’s kind of different compare to the ‘commoners’. LOL

That because, we spent most of our time together. From staying in the same house, sleeping on the same bed 24-7! There were times when I felt as if I’m suffocating due to his presence. As I’m the only child of the family, I am so used to be alone in my room and drowning into my dreams. But with his presence, I hardly have the chance to do so. That was how I felt at the beginning of the relationship.

As days goes by, I am getting used to his 24-7 presence. I begin to share my day life at work with him every day. As we are not sociable during weekdays, we dine together almost every night. And my family responsibilities slowly become his. As a couple we are physically and emotionally dependent on each other. As a ‘family’, my family too become dependent and treats his presence as part of their lives too. We seldom date. That is because I’m personally a very lazy person. I quit clubbing ages ago as I think my monies deserve other entertainment than this. I am not a movie person as I prefer watching television programmes and drama series. So we cut out most of our outdoor activities. In addition to my ACCA tutorials in weekend, our weekend agenda focuses on rest and relax at home.

Then we shifted our attention to online game. Thus, besides sleeping and TV time, we spend most of our time in front of the monitor. He invested on my desktop so that he can play with the best effect (which the desktop become his now!) and myself on the laptop.

So that’s basically how we spend most of our time since the beginning 2008. And fortunately, we are both from the same industry. That’s make an easy conversation with him. Our conversation usually started with day at work, stupid clients and demanding dummy bosses. Then switch to the latest happenings on the online game we both addicted with. And…and…nothing much.
Sound kind of sad yet it is the truth. We do not share the same gang of friends, so we definitely do not have friend’s topics to talk about. The worst is, most of the time I am the one doing the talking. As he is a quiet person so he prefers listening more than talking.

Though I sounded as if I’m complaining on his quietness yet I’m still ok with that because I am a talkative person. And I can keep on talking at a nonstop speed. LOL
But no matter how I love doing the talking, of course I do feel tired too. I would like to be the one who is listening rather than talk. Though I did highlight to him my dissatisfaction, yet he still could not ‘evolve’ himself to a talkative human! Nothing much can be done except to accept him.
However, the above is not so much of a trouble to me. What I’m afraid of, is happening.
Slowly, I find myself over attached to him. I have tried my best to remind myself over and over again to have at least a millimetre width wide to keep a distance so that if something bad happen, we still can rescue ourselves from a severe heart break.

But that is not happening and really driving me nuts thinking about it! People say because he is the one for you that’s why you will give everything inclusive every brain cells of yours thinking about him and for his bests. I’m not refusing to believe he may be the one in my life but I’m just trying to save myself from the worst moment. What if we will break up one day and giving yourself to him now will definitely a suicide act when we broke up. I do not even dare to think of how my heart will ache if that’s happening! I’ve tried that once. And I am not going to put myself at such risk again. So as I grow up, I am learning to love myself more. If you do not love yourself, do you really think that somebody out there will love you? It may sound selfish to some people but, I’m trying to be realistic! That’s life and human being is selfish in nature.

Well, maybe I’m overly concern on such abstract fixation. It may or may not happen. I’m killing my brain cells worrying for nothing.

I’m physically not attractive, so what happen if an attractive woman comes in between? This is even more devastating than anything ever. Keeping fit and attractive is the worst thing a woman would want to do. As in nature, our eye-catching moment does not last long.

In addition, I’m not a dutiful girlfriend. My package does not come with soft spoken and stable emotion. I’m an emotion freak!

That is why I always ensure I’m not giving my ‘all’ to him as to avoid the latter happened. I really am not strong enough for second outbreak.

Though he repetitively saying he will not let such incident to happen, but do we know what will happened in future?

But we can be arguing for such topic over and over again. So, we tried to sparkle our dull weekend with movies and luncheon like every couple does.

Last weekend, we went for bowling and movie @ MV, titled Money Not Enough by Singapore production. I thought that was a comedy movie so that it can be an ice breaking for our date! Yet, I picked the wrong movie. Its comedy element was covered by most of the hard cold realities pictured in the movie. But the bowling was good. Filled with laughter. Cheers!!

Should keep up such good activities.

What should we do next weekend?