Friday 13th, it is seriously bad luck day

Believe me. It is a worst day after months of working in this organisation.
I think due to working in endless octopus mode and seriously loads to do, I just snapped on someone and it turn out to be the worst decision I've ever made.
I blame myself being really unprofessional and let the tense and stress get over my head which resulting of hurting another individual.
Sincerely apologized on the choice of words I chose and snapping at the wrong timing.
But, my actions are with good intention; even though it is not very welcoming.
And stupidly enough I thought, someone would have back up my intention (not the choice of words) BUT, in fact, my intention was unnecessary at all.

My whole reaction was like: What the hell? Are you people for real?

Maybe I had planted too much hope of thinking a genuine friendship can be build regardless what environment we are in. Being 29, I'm still naive.

I am ashamed and sorry for my choice of words.
Yet, I am heart broken of myself. How can I not change my mindset after months of working in this big organisation rather than sticking back to the small office where everyone work in a team spirit.
I am disappointed on over judging my own capability.
Everyone is indeed selfish when it comes to proving oneself work capability.
But, isn't team spirit is the key of work achievement?

So many words of advise from close and understanding friends of mine I've heard. The last one, actually sent me to tears. Yes, I cried because I am disappointed on myself. How I hate myself to ignore Leo personality. This is not the right time to show myself as a leader. I need time to grow and prove myself in word before I can take the lead.

Nevertheless, the awkward moment is there and it is really hard for me to treat anyone genuinely as friend in the team. The devil behind them is scary. I am still in shock on everyone's reaction on what had happened today. So, again strategy changed and constant reminder is set to ensure I will not repeat the same silly mistake AGAIN.

And for sure, check out the calendar when it comes to Friday.
Friday 13th..for real~~

So many unfinished projects..and many new ones ahead!?!

This is so embarrassing.
Planned way too much, and most projects executed half way.
Princess Piggie is just too lazy to finish it.

So with a day off tomorrow (FINALLY, God hear my prayers) am going to finished at least 1.
Posting of albums into FB and at least make a summarize post of India trip. Both projects postponed wayyyyyyyyyyyyyy too long. "Mempersiasuikan"

Set aside unfinished projects, I had planned for new ones.
Brain is flooded with brand new ideas.
How much more can I take?

Let's see..

原来那团火还没熄

以为离开以前那小鱼缸，游到这个大湖，我对事和人的态度会因求生意志而妥协。一直以为自己的吸引力很强。在任何地方都会找到自己的小天地。真的是很阿娇咯。天真到。。
我真的无法忍受一天又一天的退让换来的是你这个死三八一次又一次的在我背后刹一刀。这个不懂是对女还是对男有兴趣的老板，又一次一次的帮死三八解围。他妈的不公平！
真的已经很努力在忍。看到她，我很想哭。流的泪是超热的！因为超读烂！！
这个工司的高程，你们别浪费人才。我们能做能熬的都很用功在做，在表现。别只看外表。瞪大你们的眼，看看我们吧？快死啦！

9th months and i made it

I'm proud of myself. Though there will be hills over hills of things to learn and be better. But just 9 months, I proved myself worth every penny this company is paying me. Hah! Still a very long journey ahead. But I'm so gonna ready for it. And for those ex employer, potential employer, see what you had missed?! Too bad. Current company had owned my pride.

男人，你为何那么残忍？

昨天，很香港连续剧的桥段发生在我的好姐妹身上。她的男人提出要和她离婚。让我深深的痛恨这个残忍的男人。她为他生了两个可爱的baby，甚至为了这个家放弃她精彩的青春。换来的竟然是满面泪水和心痛还有一句「离婚书办好，欠的是你的签名」

难道当年你对她的浪漫花语，体贴关心，你测地的忘了吗？这个残忍的男人！每次看到她伤心的泪水，我的心仿佛被人插一刀。她是个美女，家境也不赖。前途无量。就是为了那爱你的心。放弃了一切。

昨天我费尽心机安抚她。说些鼓励和安慰的话。但是真的没什么还可以说了。很难过。

这个男人离婚的原因是身体出了毛病。听到这，我也为这个男人感到担心。但是他后面接着说，如果真的没时间，我想要回我的自由。

他妈的！竟然这段婚姻对他而言是拿走他的自由。不是因为爱。他这个理由比有第三者加入一样残忍。 最痛心的是她。最无辜的是哪两个小孩。

她能做的就是一天拖一天。迟迟都不签那份离婚书。身为好友的我，也只能从短信传达我的关心。安慰的话我说尽了。希望老天爷能搞题贵手，别在让她流泪了。

你这个残忍的男人，你也太自私了吧。真希望下半辈子为她做牛做马！报答她！

以上发生在白色情人节。在这么浪漫的节日我们不是因为甜蜜而流泪。人生真是很奇妙。以为一切理所当然时，总是会有突发事件发生。昨天很灰暗。和我的心情一样。

这一切让我领悟到，爱情靠不住。男人更加靠不住！ 为什么我们要在这个冷血爱情战争上拼到你死我活？爱情根本不甜蜜。觉得它是人类拿来消磨时间的游戏。

搞到我，对自己的未来在爱情方面不是期待。而是负担。到最后，才知道，我是输不起的。如果以上事情发生在我身上。我肯定崩溃。

所以，这一刹那，我对我的男人的期待消失了。不是不爱。而是越期待却会越失望。我还是回去五年前的我。自私的我。只爱自己的我。

今天，还是阴天。心情还是灰暗I

Aloha 2012!!

Happy 2012~~Happy 2012~~Happy 2012~~

After 2 months and 21 days, I finally able to sit down and get back to my all time favourite hobby : Blogging.
Yes, I failed my 2011 resolutions (one of the millions in the list : to blog at least once a month)
Well, just add an ounce of failure into the bag, not a big deal though. LOL

2012 celebrated with rushing year end work and dragging my luggage into the airport to join my big family in Bangkok for short holiday. There will be no free lunch in this world. And this statement is so true. As I innocently thought the trip is free, I ended up paying an amount that I would not pay for a normal trip of my own. But, I exchanged this huge amount of money with time spent closely with all my family members. Of course, there were some crazy moments with some crazy relatives, still overall, the trip is still awesome. Especially time with my cousins. They grown up so fast..and hilariously funny. Love the kids..

*damn I sound so old

But before I move on to welcome 2012, let's spend some time recollect those sweet memories and scary nightmares. It was a rough start in 2011, fighting on a self destruction war with work. With words of wisdom from family and friends, I had made the decision to move on to something more challenging. Nightmares started the moment I finalised my decision. But then, I am now celebrating my great wins in 2012.

Personally, I had committed myself to a house mortgage which make me sacrifice all my wish list! Then, the excitement of planning the big event was soon over shadow by the departure of my precious rabbit, Bubu. Since he died of old age, I had made myself prepared and yes, I still miss him dearly but, in a sweet and happy way.

Another big event happened, which was I excited bought the airline ticket to India, and yes! I made it safe and sound back to my home. It was a great experience though I paid almost 3 months of health after the trip! Worth the time and money spent, and yes my travel mate didn't kill me for snoring at night. Hee~~

Before 2011 end, I make a great closing with family trip and celebrated with my bonus from new company! Worth the hard work for some extra cash! It was a great 2011. Loads of ups and downs. and yes, I fell and stood right up welcoming 2012!!

So let's share some great moments of 2011:-

Yeahooo~~~
Completing my first post in 2012.
Coming up! More travel pictures!!