5 in 72 hours

The job was so demanding.
Now already 10.01pm @ Sunday.
I had been working for the past 72 hours with only 5 hours of sleep in total.
Oh man.
Her words and screaming still ringing in my head.

"You don't know what you are doing at all"
"Do you understand?"
"I will complain to your boss"
"If you don't know, just say lar...."

Then she was smashing stuffs on her table...
Stomping out of her office..
Screaming " I treated you as friend how could you do this to me????"

The whole department look at me with a pity look.
But I look at myself with an anger + depressed + disappointed look
I remember while driving back home, I cried helplessly claiming myself for being stupid and inefficient to meet client request.
I felt so ashamed of myself for being as an assistant manager but with little exposure.
I really unaware of a listed comprehensive consolidation work, tight announcement deadline and related stuffs.
I failed.
I tarnished my whole image of being an assistant manager.

In the end, client was so serious of complaining to my boss that I am uncapable for this job.
As being honest as I am, I text my boss for what had happened.
Apologizing that the client might call him to complain.
After 10 mins, my mobile rang.
It was my boss.
Gosh...

"What happened?"
".....Sorry....."
"It's ok..what is the complicated issues about?"
And then I explained one by one
"I so panic, I suppose to have settled everything in 3 days. But the work is actually a week work"
"Don't worry, as I already told you, the client is very fussy. I also being scold by her. It's normal."
....Tears rolling down.....

Aih....
Stupidity covers my whole brain..

I still rushing the work.
And knowing my work is correct but I am not confident enough to confront and stand on my belief that I am right.
The client just chomped down all my words.
And I become speechless.

I am still crying for being stupid, under perform.

And tomorrow I suppose to explain myself infront of the CEO.
What am I putting myself into?

Then I had tonnes of jobs to be completed in office.
Yet I am unable to pull myself out from this demanding job.

Finger crossed my meeting with CEO will go well and I am able to pull out to work on with all my unfinish work in office.

I am still crying....

I am stupid...inefficient...

How can she change my confidence?
I lose my confidence totally...

Depressed

Preparing myself to go home from work @ 9.39pm
Stomach is growling and is pass dinner time
My mind is pondering on how much more work to finish in order to enjoy my holiday.
But the growling is too painful to bear.
So decided to head back home for food and some comfort from BuBu.
He always gives me the smile on my face.
Nevertheless, decided to pen down something about my day in the blog before shutting down the notebook.
Depressed and pressure.
I am no longer motivated as I used to be.
I thought I can perform as in old times.
As the boss expectation rise, so do my own demand.
I demand to become a good manager
I demand to become a good leader
I demand to become successful in career
Can I?
I am tired and hungry
Prince Charming with millions and zillions of cash (preferably Pound Sterling) ..where are you?
Can marry me off so I can quit from this dilemma??

Ciaoz~

Broken Friendship

It was a long deserving break before my workload come crashing down my shoulder.
I do not even want to log on to my notebook to check my email.
Just want to enjoy my break by relaxing at home, watching television, chomping down new year cookies and playing with my precious BuBu.
However, did catch up with my friends for rounds of makan and gamble.
Hmmm...luck was not tremendously as good as last year. Still win some cash though.
Spending quality time with friends and buddies was the best.
True friends really hard to find tho.
However, was glad that my friends always there to understand and listen to my nag.
Lurve them.
And my workout buddies.
Always pushing me to NOT skip any class..

But was surprise that I did not hear any news from you during the break.
Maybe you are spending your quality time with your family and friends too.
I thought we are always friends as ever.
Maybe to you, I am not one of your friends.
Maybe I never did.
Such a failure myself.

Was sharing few words with the usual gang about you.
They were disappointed too.
Like me.
No matter how bad I feel and how disappointed I am, deep down I still take you as one of my best buddy.
Although we did not share a lot of secrets like some girlfriends did.
But I really thought the years we've been through says it all.
It turns out, I am so wrong.
Aih...
more depressing is you even cut me out from your life.
Maybe you deserve friends that are better than me.
Maybe you deserve to enjoy your new life without me as a friend.
Maybe you deserve everything in the world except me as your friend.

Broken pieces, very hard to get it back all together.
The scar will always be there.
Luckily, I still have my life here.
I still have my friends here.

Hope you do well in your future and please do take care of yourself.
You are at the other side of the world.
Maybe we will never meet again.
If we do, no worries. I am very good in acting.
I assure you there will be no awkward silence.

Sadly to say, I pen off here by saying Good Bye! (with out the word 'friend')