W - H - Y ???????

After a so called dooms day I've been through yesterday, I had to thank the 'keh le feh' for dropping to have dinner with me.
My food was tasteless and this was due to the exhaustion caused from > 10 hours work in front of a notebook.
But the break in between the dinner and on the way home was really more than enough for me to revive and continue working at home.
Damn~~maybe I am not fit for being efficient anymore that is why I need to spend more hours compare to others to complete my job.
Is that so?
If that is the truth, I will be damn depressed.
Everyone is enjoying and preparing for the long break but as for me, I am busy with my workload.
W-H-Y?

Hmmm..I think PMS is the starting point on getting everything on my nerves!

Then received a surprise news from the boss.
Staffs were promoted.
Very surprise to some promotions but as that particular person not in my team, so it is basically none of my business.
I am happy for some promotions as well. I think they deserve it.
But W-H-Y?
Boss, don't you ever learn a lesson from the previous experience?
You should not judge a book by its cover!!!!!!
Damn is a magnificent cover..Yet..the pages inside are blank!
And poor quality summore!!!
W-H-Y????
In my opinion, I don't think they worth the promotion.
They have to work hard to impress me better if they want to earn themselve on something.

Basically, this posting is just about nagging off my head.
W-H-Y???
Why can't you see that this is not my mistake?
Why can't you see that I am working my ass off for you fucking company?
And I am being blame for careless, unable to identify risky areas, not working hard enough and blah blah blah...

W-H-Y???

I am dare to say...I am the hardest working staff in the entire firm!
No one ever can over take my position as the hardest working staff!
And I am fit to earn a trophy for that credit!

but W-H-Y??????

I am still below your expectation...
DAMN!!!!

People will be celebrating hard on the coming long break.
As for me, I will be trying hard to fit in all my workload into that break in order to live in peace.

DNS!
DNS!
DNS!
DNS!
DDDDDDDDDDDDNNNNNNNNNNNNNNNNNSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSS!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

The words still ringing in my ears!

A dooms day before CNY break~~
Was in his room in the morning listening to his nags..
I feel so bad and moody...
Not competent for this position...
I am not qualified...
I am so careless for my mistakes...
Yeah!! BLAME me!!!
BLAME me!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

MUSCLE PAIN~~~~~

Pain Pain Pain.....
DAMN 7 pain.....
My 99% fats and 1% muscle damn 7 pain after two classes of workout...
Pumping is really enjoying as it helps to reduce my fats and turn it into healthy muscles...
But my limbs did not belongs to me...All of my joints seems to have left over at the gym class...
Then was too big head to join the spinning class..
Now my arse cheeks in great pain..
I cannot sit and I cannot walk...
Oh man...
Today will be joining combat...
I can't even lift my piggie feet up...how to kick?
Geezzzzz...

Since I paid the whole membership in one payment, I can't be giving up..
Not now..Not ever...
Pain please go away....
Damn 7 pain oh~~~
Huuhuuhuuhuuhuu

A brand new start

Finally I've spoken out.
Things were blurry to me right now.
I am not sure whether my decision is the correct one this time.
After much hesitation I still have faith in our relationship..
Is this because I still have feelings for you or I just do not want the argument to continue.
I hate the whole fuss!
I hate hating...
But that's basically the one and only extinctive character you find me attractive.
It's not the time nor care.
It's the principles I've been holding on since my first sucking relationship.
I hate being the loser.
I am compassionate with what I have and I do cherish your presence.
But I do want to sincerely apologize.
Maybe I am not fit for your potential girlfriend's shoe.
But I'm working hard to fit in right now.
Hope it will be a brand new start for me and you.
*FingersCross*

A brand new start of a relationship marks the end of pain.
A brand new me marks the end of the old fat me.
After much hesitation and thinking I'm putting myself through.
This decision is hard to make.
I had to forgo my LV in March.
My budget has gone to somewhere else.
I hope the brand new me can compensate the LV that I forgo~~~~

HuHuHuHuHuHuHu~~~~

2009 Wish List! It goes on and on~~~~~~~

From previous blog, I did mention the 'wish list' right?
After much hesitation, I decided to go public on the list...
Erm..my egoism kicks in!
I think this list will go on and on and on and on.....

1. Hermes Birkin Bag (last check in Apr 2008, cost about RM40k)
2. LV - Manhattan GM (last check in 2008, cost about RM5.6k)
3. LV - Speedy 40 (if I can't get no.2, then this item supercedes it for the time being) Just grabbed this one
4. Jimmy Choo pair of shoes (a must! and deadline to get this is for my wedding - if I ever have)
5. Chanel - classic lady purse (so far, only this brand line caught my eye *wink*)
6. Burberry classic shawl (can only afford this..Mink is over the top ler)
7. Apple notebook (I just lurve the screen and colours so much!)
8. Plasma TV - 42inches (LG is a good buy...but I am open to any brand)
9. 1 unit of Service Apartment (this appear only now because I hope somebody can buy for me)
10. 1 unit of Honda Civic (I love the electronic thingy..current car another 4 years to get rid off!)
11. Chanel No.5 Parfume (a classic to every woman)
12.Red box alike karaoke systems (Jane's one making me jealous to the max!)
13. Health club membership (cheaper way to get Marie France Bodyline) Joined Myoga
14. Carats from Tiffany (I am moderate and considerate sothe carats I need may not be extensive! Well maybe 2-3..for the time being)
15. IPhone
16. Overseas travel other than Bangkok! (I m so bored over this place..I've been there at least once a year..of cos I dun mind going again...:P) Taipei 7d6n
17. Change to a drastic hair style (I need a brand new look)
18. Increase my annual earnings (If I don't..my list will never get shorter)
19. SKII Pitera indulgence (I've tried once, and I love it!)
20. Bobby Brown line cosmetics (I love the concealer)
21. Bath tub @ home (Bubble bath, of cos)
22. Spa every week (my beautiful silk skin~~~~)
23. Golf lessons (the sports I love but hate to understand the logic behind)
24. To finish my guitar lessons (the dust on my guitar almost a metre)
25. Premier League match @ Manchester (if Ronaldo, Giggs, Ferdinand still hang on)
26. Eiffel Tower (romantic)
27. Milan fashion week (my dream!)
28. Latte and almond cookies in Paris outdoor cafe (Bonjour~~)
29. Honeymoon in Mauritus Island
30. To earn a dressing room (with full length mirror, shoes rack all built in)

Phew~~~so far i can reach 30s..
Will try to update the list when I reach 28 years of age..
Different age will have different desire...
Like Donald Trump saying: Think BIG to be BIG!

YES!

SHOPPING SPREE...

It's coming near to our long waited Chinese New Year.
Being the typical ah lian...its time to shop for the big days!
Though I sound fun and having a good time, guess my CNY will never be the same again.
I no longer be waiting for Daddy to drive us to grandma house and no longer cooking the first vegetarian lunch for us.
Now, I am left with mommy and BuBu.
I will have to take over daddy's spot to fill up the gap so that mommy would not feel the lonesome.
May you rest in peace daddy.

Hmmm..I guess, I will never let this part died for the rest of my life.
I am always a daddy's girl.
I will never able to ease the pain away.
I was sick last weekend..been attacked by unidentified nauseate.
I remembered rushing home just to get some hot water.
As I was alone at home, trying to settle down on the sofa to ease the nausea away..
I looked over at the ancestor's praying table..
My heart sank and my tears tearing down the cheek.
I missed his concern voice asking how am I feeling.
Oh man..will I ever stop crying and mourning?

Anyway, CNY will definitely not the same as previous celebration.
But being a tough PIG, I take all in!
Standing tough with my big fat feet!

Was very happy getting my pay cheque in December.
I just could not wait to spend it! (Of course I do save up some)
How excited!
Shopping is the best cure for woman of all pain!
Trust me..it works!

I decided to get some clothes for work as well as play.
But due to time constraint, I managed to grab three pieces of clothes.
Read it again..I used: due to time constraint
LOL...
which means, money isn't my constraint anymore?
Gosh! I had to put a stop on my egoism!

3 clothes already costs me RM380 plus. At average of RM100++ per piece.
Well, fuller curves need bigger cloth to make a clothing.
Accept the fact!
Then as we screening through the ladies comestic department..I had to keep telling myself to avoid the SKII counter..
I am so freaking out to even walk past.
I have to control..Deep down, my inner self keep saying, I need mask..SKII mask is great..My toner is finishing soon, so I should get SKII toner...why don't I get another Pitera for travel...
URGH...but I managed to resist the temptation.
If I ever stop at the counter..and buying all those stuffs as I mentioned above..I will spending way out of my budget..
So..I skipped the counter...

Then we wandered off the shoes and bags area..
OK, shoes not fanscinating to me enough..
Because, I just bought a pair 2-3months back but it gave a pain in the butt!
I just worn it twice. Being a savvy spender..I still think that pair did not depreciate enough..
But then...my eyes got caught with a Guess? bag..
A big tote bag in grey.
This brand is really not my thing.
But the design suits me well.
I always wanted a big tote bag..with lots of zippers and compartments. So the bag has it all.
Then, I was quite hesistate in the beginning.
As you all aware of, I wanted to save for my LV.
My current handbag was in a total wreck condition. Even my colleauge suggested me to change it.
Being a shopaholic, I grabbed the bag and called it MINE!
There gone RM499...

Then was got hooked up with Fragrance department.
I am not a frangrance collector. So I only buy a bottle and use it until the very last drop.
My previous was a bad buy from Paco Rabane.
I could not wait for the very last drop. So I sprayed it to anything and anywhere if I am given the chance to.
Then, I am delightful to start smelling Elizabert Arden Green Tea EDT, a birthday present from Jane from few years back.
Well, it was kept for more than 2 years so the fragrance did not last long.
But, as I already said, I am not a frangrance type of person..so I don't mind smelling like a bull after lunch.
Then, with most lunch appointments and meetings..had shapen up the things.
I need to look presentable, and my handbag sucks!
I need to be professional, and I'm trying darn hard to impress the client!
I need to smell good, and my parfum faded off right after lunch..
OK..after series of excuses...
I found myself stopping at the corner of Chanel counter.

The introduction of relaunching the series of Chanel Chance...
Which I am tempted to make a deal but still in midst of considering...
Cos my inner self kept urging me to ask for No.5
But it is really pricey..
Hey, no loss asking and smelling right?
The salesperson really helpful..So after introducing the original No.5..
I am quite disappointed as it really smells 'original'.
FYI, Chanel No.5 Parfume was originate by CoCo Chanel in 1921.
The smell was too much after 88 years of history.
Hmmm..older Chanel lover would have love it.
But as I know, the renewed version of No.5 smells lighter which suits the new hippies taste.
As the salesperson very well aware that I am a very potential customer..
She try some on me and wow..it did smells good!
Instantly I was caught up of owning my first No.5!
Yes! My wish list updated again!
The deal close at RM490..
Erm..quite pricey..u can get two DKNY Apple for this price...
But..it's Chanel!

Overall spending..close to RM1000++ for one day...
Gosh...
And there are more to come in the coming weekend...
I still need new bottoms...new shoes...new accessories for CNY...
Man..I am SHOPAHOLIC!

Crashing down...REAL down

I had this weird feeling for the past few weeks.
Which I carried this from 2008 to 2009.
My new year did not have a good start.
Though celebrating with friends were really enjoying, but we were trapped in a hot and humid karaoke room.
Maybe was too tired due to a working day, was in no mood for being excited about the celebration.
Then my dearest friend suffered from a dilemma in relationship.
Which really opened up my mind towards the meaning of love.
Why men are born to be selfish and irresponsible? No matter how we, as women dislike the fact, arguing that men should be more sensitive towards our needs and yet we brushed off the whole point by saying : men ARE like that!
This is hell of a statement.
How can we accept this statement bluntly?
Women of the world, please speak up!!
Where are your senses?

Yes!
I am discontented
I am depressed
I am everything but happy

I am not happy that I am slowly turning into an old woman who keeps on nag and nag and nag.
I am discontented that my boyfriend did not realise the unhappy me!
I am depressed because from tearing like a baby whenever I talk about this into a cold and care less feeling I have right now.

I still remember how things were sweet and warmth back in those days.
How I wish everything stay the same.
Why I had to put up a face or throw a tantrum only you realise I am not happy.
Didn't my face say it all?

Damn.

My anger has taken over the power of being sad and teary.
I had enough.

I do not want to continue living in such state.
I do not want to change myself into a cold hearted - care less woman who ignore her feelings and emotion just to stay with her man.
No! A big NO!

Well, let me put all my disatisfaction down:-

You are so crazy about the online game until you are over addicted to it.
You spend all the hours in front of the desktop and you chat with the gamers more than you chat with me.
You laugh with the gamers more than you laugh with me.
I had to ask you what are you laughing at so I can share the joy. But when you talk, you don't even wanna look at me!
I have to do the whole house chores on my own.
You are sharing the damn house too! Why can't you be part of it?
If I did not put up a huge drama to purposely let you aware that you need to do housework, you will never start.
Why I need to instruct you everytime to get your ass off the chair?
I never know your coworkers.
I was never out with your coworkers, as if I am not part of your life!
Maybe I am not worth to be with you when you are going out with your friends.
Then why the hell I tried to be part of me by introducing my friends to you?
Why do I always am the one putting effort to create or reburn some sparks in our life?
You went football with friends and you suffered injuries.
You only let me know by putting a black face when I asked you to accompany me to run some errands.
As if it is my fault that I FORCE you to be with me!
You keep quiet all the way while I am with my friends, and you even SLEEP through the conversation!
Is my conversation really that redundant and unattractive until you fall asleep?
As at to date, YOU NEVER even wish me a happy new year!
I don't mind you earning lesser than me because I am independent financially.
I never ask for anything from you.
And I never ask for a LV from you too.
I know you couldnt afford it so I tried to fork out my own money to buy.
I know we been working hard and we deserve a vacation.
But you rather spend your money buying the online game cards that cost RM45 per card rather than getting a passport done or forking out money for a vacation.
and YOU have almost 20 cards right now! DO the damn maths!
I tried so hard to ensure the vacation will be a good break for everyone!
I don't mind paying the money..
I don't mind driving the car...
But I do mind you sleep all the way throughout the journey.
You were complaining that you were sick.
You were putting a face to me!
I rushed home just to have dinner with you.
I don't mind paying the bill.
I don't mind driving after whole day of work.
But I mind you wearing a pjay to dine. We are not having mamak style dinner for good sake!
It is a decent restaurant.
You said troublesome to wear something nice.
Ok, I buy that. So off we go for a pricey yet undelicious food.
Throughout the dinner I was silent. I just want to see how will you start a conversation.
All you ask was: The food not nice?
Why am I always the one who do the talking just to start a stupid conversation?
Why can't you ask me anything beside food, work and weather?
We really don't have anything else to talk about?
Are we that bored?
So yesterday, you make sure I came home straight after work.
I thought you want to make up with all the anger and tantrum I've been putting up for.
Yet, when I step into the house, your desktop were on (as usual, your game is running),
The floor not sweep, the hanging clothes still on the balcony, you had all lights and fans on...
You locked my rabbit just to make sure he don't disturb your nap.
I took everything in..as maybe you are sick.
You said no.
So I thought we can try having dinner in a shopping mall to get something for your sister's wedding perhaps.
I said: I want to go 1u..
You putting a face with a rough voice saying: why want to go all the way there?
And as usual, you are wearing your fucking pjay!
I had enough!
I said: Fine! don't go then..we eat mamak...
Then you rush and grab the car keys saying we should go.
But when I refused you accusing me of throwing the tantrum again!
AGAIN!
I really had enough!
I kept quiet through the way to 1u..
I kept quiet through the dinner..
What add up the already hot burning fire was, you had eaten before the dinner.
If you were full then why ask me to rush all the way home for you?
Again..I take it all in.
After dinner, I decided to get some ice cream to just make me smile...
So walked into the ice cream parlour..I tried requesting a small pint that is the same size as a scoop..If there is, I'll buy few to store at home. Yet, the parlour did not have such pack. So I decided to head home.
Then, don't know whether you are trying to make me happy, you suggested another place that sells such pack.
But only the parlour provides the takeaway pack that come with the ice bag that can keep it freshness. I told you no, I don't want. I want a few pack!
Then you get frustrated by saying: Buy one and eat enought lor..why need so many pack?
Ok..you never understand..
Either you don't know my preference or you don't even bother!
You never say goodbye when leaving for work.
You used to do so..but now, it is really your preference..If you in the mood for a goodbye kiss or hug, then you bother to wake me up..Now, your excuse is you will be late for work!
A goodbye will delay your work!
What a great excuse!

I really had enough!
The sadness that I used to have whenever I complaint now slowly become anger!
I think..I am not that into you anymore.
I think..from my like-lust-love..had now change to love-lust...
I really hope things will not worsen until the 'like' stage...

You will never know all these...
Because you don't even bother to read my blog!
YOU DON'T BOTHER!

Then what the hell I'm still with you?
Anyone can explain?